


The beat goes on

by 7years



Category: SF9 (Band)
Genre: Other, Reminiscing, Taeyang being a sentimental sap, but it's not that sad I promise, idk how to tag this, letting go?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:07:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26522656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/7years/pseuds/7years
Summary: Taeyang doesn't know how he got to this point. When he first saw Rowoon smiling like an angel he was sure he would love the man forever. But here he is gathering all his memories into a box, ready to close a chapter of his life.He thought it would be harder.
Relationships: Kim Seokwoo | Rowoon/Yoo Taeyang
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	The beat goes on

Taeyang collects the mementos one by one, wondering when exactly did things change. There was no big falling out, no sudden change of heart, but the fire is no longer there. Or maybe it burns differently now. As Rowoon became busier with his career so did Taeyang. He simply… drifted away. The days where he swears he would give his life to Rowoon had passed and they're never coming back.

 _But's that's okay, isn't it?_ Taeyang tells himself as he opens the drawer that had largely remain untouched until now. He still has a lot of respect and fondness towards Rowoon. Sometimes if he thinks about it he can still feel the spark of their early days. Rowoon was so perfect Taeyang thought he was a mirage, an illusion born out of his own fantasies. But the hand that held his was warm and real, and so was the man himself.

He picks up the hand warmers he got when they first met, right in heart of winter. Rowoon had always been so thoughtful; even when he didn’t have the means like he does now, he tried his best to make sure they had a good experience. Taeyang had kept the disposable packets all these years to remind him of their humble beginnings. Juho would probably say he's just sentimental that way, and he would be right.

He puts them in the discard pile.

The plushies he keeps. They had been his loyal companions alongside Rowoon during the long nights of his final year. While Taeyang wrote his thesis or scrolled through hundreds of pages of resources Rowoon was the one who kept his nerves calm despite the unhealthy amount of coffee he consumed. Just the sound of Rowoon’s voice can subdue the storm of anxiety in his heart.

With a sigh Taeyang squeezes the plushies into the box. He suddenly misses that period of his life when his biggest responsibility was sending a stupid paper on time, when no matter what horrible day he had, simply knowing that Rowoon is around made everything bearable. It would not be an exaggeration to say that Rowoon's mere existence was a light in his life, like a star in his night sky. Yes, that’s what he is: a star. He always shined, and Taeyang appreciated that.

No, this won’t do. As small as they are, they still take up too much space and Taeyang couldn’t bear letting them get squished by other things in the box. He pulls the plushies back out and gently places them in his backpack instead. He pats the dolls’ head before going back to the still-large collection he needs to pack away. There’s only a slim chance that he will unbox them once they’re stored, but it’s not the time to let them go just yet.

“Thank you for liking me.” Rowoon had said when they celebrated the 2-year anniversary. It started out joyous and lively but later that night Rowoon showed a glimpse of vulnerability that he seldom displayed. “It might be selfish of me to say this, but I wish we can stay together and happy like this forever. You'll stay by my side, won't you?" he implored, and Taeyang had naively replied “always” as if it's more than just a word.

But he believed it then. He faithfully stayed by Rowoon's side, always there through the ups and downs, protecting him when outsiders threatened their happiness with vile words and rumours. Even some of Taeyang's friends made the mistake of voicing out their suspicion, making him lash out at them and sternly reminding them that they don't know him. Of course Taeyang didn’t know him as well as he imagined he did but he likes to believe he still understands him a bit more than others.

 _Oh shoot._ A quick touch to his phone shows that he’s taking way too much time with this. He stacks up the albums from the shelf haphazardly and gathers them in his arm but before he can dump them into the box he bumps into the table quite painfully and he watches in slow-mo his coffee cup wobbling dangerously, threatening to fall and spill iced coffee on the scattered contents of his drawer. His hand reaches out to stop it just as it’s tipping over (aha! no spills!) but a few of the albums in his arm falls onto the floor in the process. An image of a disappointed Juho shaking his head flashes before his eyes.

Taeyang picks up the albums gingerly, saying sorry to each of them as he does so. There’s a picture of Rowoon that must’ve fallen out from one of them and he apologizes to that too. He immediately recognizes that it's from that glorious era when Rowoon won his first award. He remembers shedding tears of happiness then. Taeyang knew it was the result of Rowoon’s own hard work rather than his, but he still felt an overwhelming surge of relief and pride when the name was called. He would be lying if he said he didn't replay that moment over and over again, or that Rowoon’s emotional “thank you” and “I love you” in his speech won’t still stir his heart. 

“Are these the last boxes?”

In his reverie Taeyang didn’t notice Juho entering his room. Or his apartment. “Yup. And this one.” He slips the photocard back into its album and (carefully!) puts all the albums into the box as Juho peers into it.

“Oh, Rowoon!” Juho pulls out a signed limited edition album to read the message on the cover. It’s the one where Rowoon drew a sun next to Taeyang’s name and it’s not Juho’s first time seeing it. Although Taeyang no longer consider it his most prized possession it never lost its place on his display shelf. “I remember when you couldn’t stop talking about him. I almost bought his concert tickets too that one time.”

Taeyang smiles at the memory. “But you were too slow.” It was actually fortunate for them that Juho didn’t get the tickets or they would’ve had to get rid of an extra pair of tickets, but it never stopped Taeyang from teasing him about it. Taeyang, of course, was not as slow.

“I didn’t know it would be so hard!” Juho laughs. “You fans really work on a different level than us muggles.” He looks at the pile of stuff still on the table and shelves and Taeyang could almost guess what he’s going to say next. “I know you said you don’t need my help, but… do you need my help?” He only receives a sheepish grin in response.

Juho thinks it would be nice to play one of Rowoon’s CDs in the car, so as they finally drive out of Taeyang’s now former apartment complex Taeyang finds himself taking a disk out of an overly complicated album packaging for the first time. He wonders how many people still listens to CDs nowadays. To him, an album is more than just the CD, and being a fan is more than just listening to albums.

Well, he used to think that way at least.

“Something wrong?” Juho risks a glance towards Taeyang. “Is the CD broken?”

“Huh? No, it’s okay.” Taeyang hopes so. He slides the disk into the player and leans back into his seat.

“We don’t have to play the album if you don’t want to.” Juho says. He probably misunderstood Taeyang’s hesitancy as reluctance.

“But I want to!” Taeyang asserts. Juho quickly glances back at Taeyang to give him his raised eyebrows look, asking _you sure?_ as the first track starts playing.

“I haven’t listened to this album in a while.” It’s Rowoon’s debut album which had somehow fallen out of rotation in Taeyang’s playlists. It brings him back to the younger Rowoon with his bright eyes, pretty smile and yet-to-be-discovered potential, and not for the first time Taeyang feels proud of how far he had come. He feels honoured to get to see him grow.

“But you’re still a fan, right?” Juho inquires. Juho had been with him long enough to witness all the stages of his fan life and Taeyang still wonders how he never managed to turn Juho into a fan himself.

“Of course.” He believes that it’s okay that he doesn’t go to every concert, or buy everything that Rowoon endorses, or display his albums on shelves anymore. His passion for everything Rowoon might have waned and he might have stored his fan paraphernalia away but listening to Rowoon’s music still brings him great joy (or sorrow, because some of his songs are SAD).

“I’ll always be his biggest fan.”

Ultimately, isn’t that what being a fan is all about?

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! ♡
> 
> This was largely inspired by Autumn Vacation's [Loveless Fan Club](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RWRGZyDntbY).


End file.
